I have noticed lately that I might be trapped in an unhealthy habit-loop of trying to be busy and efficient with my time. Just this morning I tried to force myself to return to the real of sleep, for I was far from rested, but I could not, for somewhere deep inside a voice was screaming at me “you need to do something, do not allow time to be wasted on sleeping”. It may seem fine at first glance, reasonable even, because… well rather that I make use of my time on this earth than just lay in bed all day, right? It is easy to fall into this way of thinking, but consider what it all really means.
Staying busy for one has a reason to be, this is one thing, but staying busy for busy’s sake is another. And even to be busy doing something absolutely essential and important to humanity; such as saving lives as a nurse during the ongoing pandemic, even then I think that it is important to strive to become more present. To be busy is to hurry, it is to fight against time, and is this to enjoy life? Does one enjoy life whilst running through it, constantly being out of breath?
What if one were to stop running, to inhale the fragrances all around us, and to see, to actually see the nature which we are all part of.
To be busy is like having clock ticking in your head, to feel the need to always keep track of time and to not waste it. When a busy person talks about time it is oftentimes in a manner of not wasting it… quite Ironic I think, as I believe they/we are wasting time; life, by not appreciating the moment that has been given to us, but to instead view it in terms of a hourglass with sand, sand slipping through the crack between our fingers, desperately trying to hold onto it, rather that simply accept that time just is, and it is not ours, but rather being given to us as a gift by the nature to which we all belong.
I am doing my very best to see life in terms of a gift by nature, that no moment of time should be taken for granted. We have but borrowed our lives from nature, and it is only natural that it be returned one day. To not see my life as a journey towards something, but rather to see it as the goal in and of itself. To that end I repeat this mantra to myself: “do not stay busy, but instead, be present”.
Benjamin Bratz 